Protein Powder + Espresso = Poor Man’s Adderall

Poor People Aren’t Allowed to Have ADHD

Let’s be real. If I had money and private insurance, I’d have Adderall.But I’m in a system where mental health is rationed like war food. I’m a veteran. I’m a woman. I’m poor. And when I finally did everything “right” — got my diagnoses, made my appointments, showed up vulnerable — they still didn’t treat me.

Too risky. Too complex. Too emotional. Too poor.

So I was left to MacGyver my brain. I became a one-woman neurochemistry lab with a beat-up body and a tired soul. There is no manual for this. There’s just caffeine, protein, crash cycles, guilt, rage, repeat.

What Happens When You Fake Functioning?

You win the battle and lose the war.

People say, “Wow, you’re doing so much! ”But they don’t see that I sleep for 48 hours after every burst of productivity. Hey don’t see the nervous system crash that wipes me out for days. They don’t see the espresso and protein powder cocktail I down just to read my emails or make it to a VA appointment.

They don’t see the shame that builds when I’m too exhausted to respond to my social worker, when I miss meetings, when I know I look like I don’t care — but I care so much it physically hurts.

The System Is Failing Us — And We’re Still Blamed

Let me be crystal clear: This is not drug-seeking behavior. This is survival-seeking behavior.

When we crash without medication — whether it’s meth, caffeine, or a damn amino acid — it’s not because we’re addicts. It’s because we have a nervous system disorder that nobody wants to call what it is.

ADHD is not a “focus issue.” It’s a neurological condition tied to emotional regulation, motivation, and dopamine signaling. And when it’s untreated — especially in adults, especially in veterans, especially in women — the consequences are devastating.

Depression. Misdiagnosis. Suicide. And yes — street-level self-treatment.

Let Me Say This to Every Doctor Who Denied Me

If you’d written the prescription when I begged for help, I wouldn’t have had to write this article. If you’d listened instead of labeling, I wouldn’t have had to teach myself how to stabilize my brain with espresso and protein shakes. If you’d believed ADHD was real in adults, in women, in veterans, in ME —I wouldn’t be here calling caffeine a treatment plan.

But here we are.

This Is Bigger Than Me

This is Veterans of the Storm. This is every ADHD adult who has felt suicidal, exhausted, or emotionally dead from lack of treatment. This is every woman who’s been misdiagnosed with bipolar or borderline. This is every person who’s been denied their medication, then shamed for crashing.

We are not invisible. We are not lazy. We are not broken.

We are just f***ing tired. And we’ve had to invent our own medicine while the world watched us drown.