When Love is One-Sided: The ADHD RSD Reality of Heartbreak and Never Moving On
- Roxx Farron
- Apr 19
- 5 min read
Here is my two cents on this horrible topic - don't mistake it for anything other than horrible. Love either way it goes is far more difficult and painful than anyone could possibly understand. I feel closer to a divorce than ever - but you wouldn't imagine the shit I put up with. I know one thing for certain - love isn't worth it. I don't trust my heart - it has failed me. I've suffered more than I have been content - a lot more.
Why would I risk putting myself through it again? If you believe that - This means you don't understand the scope what I'm saying. Let me explain
Because to someone with ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), love isn’t just a feeling — it’s survival.
Let me break this down in real terms:
🧠 ADHD Brain: Always scanning for danger
People with ADHD have nervous systems that are in hyper-reactive mode a lot of the time — especially when it comes to rejection or disapproval. The brain is constantly scanning for signs that something’s wrong — even when everything seems fine on the outside.
💔 RSD Layer: Rejection hits like a freight train
With RSD, emotional pain from perceived rejection feels immediate, intense, and catastrophic — like your entire sense of self just got body-slammed. Even a neutral comment can feel like an attack. So imagine trying to process the idea that someone doesn’t love you, or doesn’t love you enough.
That’s not just a sad thought.
That’s an identity collapse.
❤️ Why it’s hard to believe they don’t love you:
Love feels like safety.
When you love someone — especially someone close — they become a lifeline. Your whole system is wired around that connection. Believing they don’t love you means that safety is gone. It’s not just rejection — it feels like abandonment, exile, even annihilation.
You're always doubting yourself anyway.
People with RSD constantly think, “What if I’m too much? Not enough? Broken?”
So when someone “loves” you, you grab onto that like it’s the one thing that proves you’re worth something. To then accept that they don’t love you? That means maybe those terrible thoughts about yourself were true all along. That’s unbearable.
You're wired to hope against logic.
This isn’t blind optimism. It’s survival logic:
“If I just love harder, maybe they’ll love me back.”
So even when all signs point to "they don't care," you cling. Because giving up hope feels like giving up on yourself.
You feel it in extremes.
Love isn’t moderate with ADHD + RSD.
It’s all-in or all-out. There’s no middle lane.
So if you’ve allowed yourself to feel love, to believe in it — it’s really damn hard to walk that back.
And here’s the kicker:
Even when someone clearly doesn’t treat you like they love you…
…you still second-guess yourself.
You still wonder if it’s your fault.
You still think, “Maybe if I just…”
Because the truth that they don’t love you doesn’t just hurt —
…it feels like death by truth.
Bottom line:
People with ADHD + RSD aren’t naïve.
They’re loyal to a fault because love is oxygen.
And when you’ve spent your whole life feeling misunderstood, unloved, or like a burden…
…you will do anything to hold onto even the illusion of love.
Because losing love feels like losing everything.
Grieving the Dream
Unrequited love often comes with a fantasy that we create in our minds. This mental narrative can feel comforting and build dreams that appear tangible. When faced with the reality of unreturned feelings, many enter a "grieving phase." They mourn not only the relationship that could have been but also the dreams they built around it.
How the Grief Process Feels
The grieving process might include:
Denial: “It can’t be true! They just need more time."
Anger: “How could they not love me back?”
Bargaining: “Maybe if I do something special, they’ll notice me.”
Depression: “What’s the point in trying anymore?”
Acceptance: “I need to find a way to move forward.”
For many with ADHD, acceptance is the hardest stage. They can get stuck, replaying interactions in their heads and longing for what could have been, prolonging the healing process.
The Loop of Obsession
People with ADHD often experience hyperfocus on a person or situation. This fixation can lead to obsessing over what went wrong, imagining what could have been, and fixating on every detail of a relationship.
How does Hyperfocus Affect Heartbreak?
Hyperfocus amplifies feelings of sadness and frustration. The intense focus on a love interest can drain emotional energy, making it even tougher to recover. For example, a person might repeatedly analyze every conversation with their crush, searching for signs of interest. Unfortunately, this only deepens the wound, making healing more challenging.
Coping with Heartbreak
Finding ways to cope with one-sided love and heartbreak is essential, even if it feels overwhelming. Here are some helpful strategies:
1. Validate Your Feelings
Acknowledge that your emotions are valid. Whether you feel sadness, frustration, or anger, recognizing these feelings is a crucial first step in coping.
2. Channel Your Emotions
Creative outlets can be therapeutic. Engaging in writing, art, or music allows you to express feelings without the need for words. A study found that 70% of people who write about their emotions report feeling better afterward.
3. Establish a Support System
Talking about your feelings with friends or support groups can lessen the burden of heartbreak. Connecting with others who understand, especially those with ADHD, can provide comfort.
4. Limit Contact
Give yourself space from the person you love. Constant contact may trigger painful feelings, making it harder to move on.
Exercise: Regular physical activity releases endorphins, which can significantly elevate your mood.
Nutrition: Healthy eating contributes to better emotional health. Studies show that diets rich in omega-3 fatty acids can reduce depressive symptoms by up to 30%.
Sleep: Prioritizing adequate rest supports emotional resilience and cognitive function.
Emotional Well-being
Mindfulness: Practicing meditation and yoga can help ground you, reducing anxiety.
Journaling: Writing down thoughts provides clarity and a pathway for self-reflection.
Connection: Nurturing relationships can offer comfort in challenging times.
Why Moving On Can Feel Impossible
The path to moving on is not linear, especially for those with ADHD and RSD. The emotional landscape of love can be disorienting, with setbacks often feeling like major roadblocks.
The Misconception of Quick Recovery
Many people expect that once the shock of heartbreak subsides, healing will swiftly follow. However, recovery is rarely straightforward. Each individual has their own pace, which is perfectly okay.
The Role of Time
Over time, the acute pain of heartbreak may fade, but lingering feelings can remain. Emotional triggers can arise unexpectedly, leading to patches of sadness long after the initial heartbreak.
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